i wish

• i wish that my recipe for red velvet cake had just said "go buy the fucking box mix, you aren't martha stewart. you will just end up trying to get "stiff peaks" 3 fucking times (to no avail), then the batter will slosh out of your mixer and create, what can only be described, as a gruesome display all over the counter, and then you'll burn yourself pulling them out of the oven...and if that weren't enough, they are going to stick to the pans like spandex on richard simmons". it really would have saved me some time and energy, this morning.