i think

• i think that sometimes people can be extremely selfish and not even know it.
• i think the military is looking better and better every day that we are stuck here with these people.
• i think jackson is going to be piiissed when he looks back and sees that ONE person came to his first birthday party because everyone else had something more important to do.

i hate

• i hate guilt trips
• i hate that we didn't move to alaska when we had the chance
• i hate crying so hard i throw up

I think

• i think that Sam Walton should have purchased one of his own disgustingly cutesy puppy or kitten calendars this year. if he had done this, he might have seen that christmas falls in december this year. And perhaps, upon noticing this he would have hired a few more people in november to work in his photo processing and shipping departments and therefore would have been able to get me my shit when he told me he'd get it to me and i would not be handing out empty fucking boxes with IOU's in them.
• i think i better be recieving a package in the next 3 days or some heads are gonna roll and i will be continuing the family tradition of being thrown out of walmart for getting shitty with the photo center bitches.
• i think i need a glass of wine...or a bottle.

i wish

• i wish that my recipe for red velvet cake had just said "go buy the fucking box mix, you aren't martha stewart. you will just end up trying to get "stiff peaks" 3 fucking times (to no avail), then the batter will slosh out of your mixer and create, what can only be described, as a gruesome display all over the counter, and then you'll burn yourself pulling them out of the oven...and if that weren't enough, they are going to stick to the pans like spandex on richard simmons". it really would have saved me some time and energy, this morning.

i hate

• i hate when i am going through something HUGE and someone whose supposed to care a whole heap, doesn't even ask about it, but when that same person is going through something equally huge, they expect me to be all flipped out for them. uhhh hey, where were you during my cordocentesis? oh, that's right, not giving a flying fuck. and not EVER calling to check and see if your grandson survived it. so don't get shitty when i don't call to check on you. we reap what we sow.

i love

• i love when people prove me wrong...since it almost never happens ;-)
• i love the sound of snow
• i love hearing i love you
• i love buying lottery tickets. (i think it's the possibilities that i like about it. and i almost never do it, so it's extra exiting).
• i love getting mail that isn't bills or coupons for pizza.

i think

• i think people who criticize how someone else lives their life, ought to make sure theirs is perfectly perfect in every way, before they start throwing stones around in thier glass house
• i think that Christmas is like a wedding. They both bring up the shit we've been desperately trying to pretend we don't feel for the sake of peace.
• i think that i should stop sending out christmas cards since 43 of the 51 mother fuckers i sent a card to didn't send us one back.

i think

• I think that Christine Baranski looks like a Dr. Seuss character. I'm not quite sure if it's all the plastic surgery or if she was just born Seussical.
• I think that cars should come equipped with giant LED signs attached to a keyboard on the dashboard. That way you aren't restricted by your middle finger when telling people they are driving like a fucktard.
• I think Sandra Lee is an alcoholic version of Martha Stewart. Though I'm not all that convinced that Martha Stewart isn't an alcoholic version of herself. I would be, if I had to walk around with her personality.

Intro

Last night while the kids were in the tub I decided to read some archived posts from one of my fave bloggers (dooce.com). I was laughing hysterically even though her humor was so dark and sarcastic (a little like myself). It was pure observation and I thought "I do that" (although it's here in the living room and I torture Josh with it). So that's how we got here. The posts are going to be totally different from my mommy blog. They might be one line, they might be 20, but they will primarily be about things that I observe in this life. Random things. Things that irk me, things that piss me off, things that i think are funny (and maybe no one else does). This is really, just me venting. If you think I'm too "negative" then PLEASE don't read and definitely don't comment, because I really don't care what you think. This is for me, not you. No one is forcing you to read and feel sorry for me because your life is so fucking perfect and I am obviously a sarcastic bitch.